You don't sound important, you just sound tacky

TP and I have the grand luxury of being grad students. One of the grand things about being a grad student and the authors of this blog is that we are allowed access to one of the largest groups of tacky people: the undergraduate population of a large, urban university.

Hopefully soon we will start bringing you photographic evidence of many of the violations of polite behavior, but for today's lesson in classy behavior we have an observation to report:

Speaking so loudly that an entire student union is forced to listen to you recounting what "fake-Niki" and was doing on whatever show you were watching is Tacky. So is talking that loudly in general. I don't care what you did last Friday night, I don't care what your best friend told your boyfriend, and talking that loudly about ANY personal aspect of your life is tacky.

And don't come at with me saying, "oh, but I have a loud voice!" Anyone can take it down a notch, and when airing ANY laundry (dirty or not), have the decency and manners to hush up.

How to not be tacky while dining (Part I)

Being classy is not about having a lot of cash. Goodness knows you can be making the big bucks and still be one tacky, flashy, gaudy hot mess. You can also be scraping by as a lowly grad student and manage to be mighty classy in both appearance and behavior.

Today's tacky tale: the bad tipper.

I have heard every argument about why it's not essential to leave a good tip. Yes, I realize they don't do it in Europe, but the point is that those men and women bring you your burger, your steak, your beer, your wine, or whatever it is you ordered are working their BUTTS off for $2.15 an hour. You don't have to be paid minimum wage when your employer can demonstrate that you have the opportunity to make it in tips. And your waitress is already automatically having money deducted from her nightly tips to pay out the kitchen, the bartender, and the hostess.

So how tacky is it for your little pampered butt to assume that 10% is adequate?

But the tackiest of the tack is when you go out to a nice meal to impress someone and then SKIMP on the tip to save YOU some cash.

Now, maybe it's tacky for some restaurants to automatically add in gratuity, but honestly - you should probably be tipping at least that. Have you ever tried to wait on a table of four couples and three single friends who want split checks but shared wine? Damn straight that waiter gets at LEAST 18%.

Going out for nice dinners is a way to treat yourself right. Avoid the tack and budget in for that extra 18-20%. I promise, if someone catches you undertipping they will be HORRIFIED (especially if they are an alum of the fine fellowship of waitstaff), but if you overtip all they will be left to think is: damn, that's one classy guy.

Tacksequiteur: Networking

Networking is a good idea. Any head hunter or career advisor will tell you that. Generally speaking it is a very classy thing to do to walk up to a stranger, make friends, hand over your business card, and begin a long friendship over two martini lunches. Using people, however, is a bad idea. It is a tacky thing to do. Using people as a means to your ends devalues the other person, and, generally speaking reflects badly on the user.



Which is why I'm puzzled: when did networking become synonymous with using people? If you, dear Networker, are interested in someone merely for what they can do for you, know that it comes through, and that I think its tacky.

Celebritack

I think Jennifer Lopez is very tacky and not in a good way. Disclaimer: I'm sure she's a very nice woman with lots of lovely things (besides Rite Aid perfume and denim jumpsuits) to contribute to the world.

It has taken me a while to come to this conclusion. When she was dating P.Diddy and all "Jenny from the block" I thought, "How nice, that girl used to be on In Living Color. She has made a little career for herself, and Is remembering where she came from." When she was dating Ben Affleck, I thought, "Those people are strangely shiny, and why are they always wearing sunglasses." Then, "Diamonds come in pink?"

It was weird when she quickly married Marc Anthony (is that how you spell it?) and I began to suspect something tacky was happening when the albums stopped, the movies stopped, yet J. Lo. persisted in showing up on red carpets in stilletos dunked in gold. Then she was 9 months pregnant in stilletos dunked in gold.

And then, the Golden Globes. This, for me, was the nail in her coffin of tack. I don't need to see that much of a middle aged lady's boobies. I mean I get that she's trying to be fierce. But she has kids; two of them. I'm all for the hot momma vibe, but I think this is trying to hard.

Also why is she always so shiny?

I am not a mean person, and I would never claim that one person's decade of outfits relegates her to tackdom for all eternity. She could make the move from tacky to classy fairly easily.

1. Smile. I don't think she realizes that she doesn't look as fierce as she think she does.
2. Be less shiny. Hair/clothes/skin/shoes/makeup isn't usually that iridescent. Maybe have a 'one shiny thing' rule.

3. Help people when cameras aren't watching.

Photo From:

http://www.usmagazine.com/news/love-it-or-hate-it-jennifer-lopezs-golden-globes-style

Status: Tacky

Facebook is a wonderful thing. It keeps you connected to old friends, it helps you check out potential dates, and it allows you free range to secretly judge the tackyness of your friends (and frenemies!). Sure, it's a little judgy, but we're just trying to make it all better by showing the error of our ways...

So Tacky Facebook Complaint #1: The Significant Other Status Message

I love when my friends have great relationships, and I think it's adorable when romantic moments inspire the occasional sweet shout out message. However, involving your 400+ closest friends about every moment of your relationship is, well, tacky.

If your boyfriend is out of state working on an oil field far, far away or if your girlfriend is off serving our country, you may absolutely post how much you miss them. If your boyfriend has been at work for six hours, you may not post how much you miss him. Tacky.

It is tacky to post about the way your boyfriend or girlfriend smells. It is tacky to post about how you love playing house. Man up (or woman up) and stop sharing. It's just tacky.

When tacky is classy?

Definitions of tacky usually include lacking style, being gaudy, being too showy, not involving good taste, etc.

Now, there are some people who are almost always tacky and some people who are almost always classy. Aretha Franklin clearly fits into the the later (I mean, RESPECT!), but today she ventured into territory that must be discussed: when can tacky be classy?

At the VERY classy inauguration of a VERY classy man, the dynamic diva belted out "My Country 'Tis of Thee," and it was fantastic. I'd expect no less from the Queen of Soul. But that bow on her hat... well, it was almost as big as her voice - and that' BIG!

Tacky? Classy?

I personally am going to vote classy. It might be gaudy, it might be flashy, it might even be tacky on anyone else. But when you're Aretha - it's classy.

Photo from:
Photo: Ron Edmonds/ AP
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/alltherage/2009/01/inaugural-hat-t.html

Tacky Stuff: Current Events

Flubbing the oath of office when you're Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court.

Giving a cake but eating it, too!

I've always thought it was classy to bring something with you when you go to someone's house for dinner or a party. While any good host or hostess will tell you not to worry about it, secretly he or she may be judging you for arriving empty handed.

While there are the obstacles standing in the way of the appropriate gift (flowers or chocolates? wine or beer? red or white? does this go with what we're eating?) there is one absolute no-no...

Do not bring half-a-dish.

Over the holidays my parents hosted a nice holiday dinner party. Food and wine were plentiful, but most guests (being the classy people my parents associate with) still came with wine, appetizers, and small gifts in hand.

And then there was one half of a chocolate cake. No sad story that part of the cake had fallen apart during baking, no excuse that the kids got to the cake before she could... this guest just really wanted to keep the other half for ANOTHER party.

Two parties + One cake = Tacky

Old School: The thank you (note)

I believe in saying thank you. My mom taught me that, so did my grandma, so did my dad. Pretty much all the nice people I knew when I was little taught me to say thank you. Thank you blogspot for hosting our blog, thank you ABT for being my friend. So the lack of prevalence of thank yous in this northern climate confounds me. This is the first of many posts on Tacky P's opinion on the thank you.

Disclaimer: not all thankyous must come in notes on fine stationary (although many should). There is a hierarchy of thankyous:

1. Verbal
2. Text (my least favorite)
3. AIM (second least favorite)
4. Gchat
5. Email
6. Phone call
7. Note

To be continued....

We're now on the 'internets.'

Maybe we're the last ladies living who feel like people want to read what we think on the internet. Maybe we woke up and noticed how deeply offensive society is. Maybe we should stop thinking about things that won't earn us salaries or repay student loans. Anyway, we noticed that more and more of the world is starting to offend our twenty something sensibilities. Tack is often bad and sometimes good but its everywhere, and we are going to tell you about it.