One Classy (First) Lady

FANTASTIC! BRILLIANT! OUTSTANDING! I'm speaking, of course, of Michelle Obama's recently released portrait. I can't say enough about this classy lady, so, of course, I'm going to try:

1. She looks great. Pearls? Check. American designer? Check (Michael Kors, and BTW I suspect we wear the same size, so Mr. Kors if you need someone to wear the extra clothes you made for Mrs. Obama, I'll pinch hit). Super fab first lady arms? Check and check.

2. She's a good mom. Her kids seem nice, she dresses them in J.Crew, and most certainly has taught them not to be dependant on a man (I presume, as she was the big earner for a long time, and the mainstay parent while Mr. Prez was winning the White House).

3. She's smart. Like seriously smart. Like move-things-with-her-mind-(myfavorite) Ivy League(s)-educated-while-appropriately-accessorizing-while-backseat-driving-the-country-Smart. I dig that. Also, she's not smart-crazy (yes, I'm speaking of you Phyllis Schafley), or smart-foul mouthed, or smart-loose cannon (you know who you are Samantha Power).

4. This lady is classy. Madonna, take note.

Mrs. Ex-Richie, I don't think you got the message.

Madonna,

Hi, its TP again, we spoke yesterday. I passed your LV ad again. I know you need me to love you, but I just can't. Please stop asking and put your leg down.

K? Thanks. Bye.

TP

P.S. Also, it is a little bit tacky to be shamelessly plugging obscenely expensive clothes in a recession. If you could convince Mr. Jacobs to sell me the black raincoat with pink lining and scalloped sleeves at an 80% discount, I might change my mind. (That was tacky too, but worth a try).

Open Letter to Madonna

Dear Madonna,

You've been fierce your whole life. I'm sure that as a small child you bedazzled your Osh Kosh B'Gosh's so that you were the only kid in the neighborhood with beaded overalls. I know you've been fierce since 1981. You've made a career out of 'reinventing yourself' and selling it.

Because of your nearly three decades of awesomeness, of transcending tack, it pains me to say this: Please put on some pants. It's not that you don't have the body of a weightlifting gazelle--you do. It's not that I can't see your toned hamstrings through your fishnets and see through skirts -- I can. It's just that, as I walked by your ad, posted ten feet high in the window of the Louis Vuitton store, all I could think was: This woman wants attention.

You see, it takes some class to age gracefully (see: Meryl Streep). As women get older, they don't need to be any less fierce to stay on the classy side of the line, they just need to modify their approaches. So when I see you in fishnets, no pants, one platformed-stillettoes-tasseled toe pointing in the air while you rest lightly on a restaurant chair a la Jennifer Beals in Flashdance, I think that you are moving towards the tacky side of the line. Jennifer Beals didn't wear pants too often either -- she was also in her early 20s and hadn't yet had a child, a documentary about sex, or a legal battle over an adorable African quasi-orphan.

So Madonna, please move back toward the classy side of the line and bare those phonebook-tearing arms -- but please please, put on some trousers.

Love,

TP

P.S. Did Marc Jacobs kill a Fraggle to get your skirt/undies/hotpants? I'm not sure that Meryl would wear separates that used to be a Jim Henson character. Just saying. Not judging (this time).

Maybe it just doesn't matter

Dear Guy who went to his locker in the gym hallway in only a towel:

If you did it because you think you're that hot and you want to show off, that's some tacky behavior, sir.

If you did it because you left your clothes in your locker while showering and had no other option, I commend your classy bravery.

Either way - thank you. You made my work out and my morning (and possibly my life) that much more amazing.

XXOO,

ABT

I'd rather ask forgiveness than permission?

There's gonna be some good posting soon... as we speak Oscars are being given out to beautiful people and people are delivering classy/tacky acceptance speeches while adorned in classy/tacky attire. Only time (and TP's analysis) will tell who pulled off what and who didn't.

In the meanwhile, there's some tacky behavior brewing in the local locker room. While I was running yesterday someone took my shampoo and conditioner (which I left out of my locker while I worked out), used them, and then LEFT them in the shower.

This was tacky.

Here's what the shampoo-stealer could have done to not be a heinous tacky actor:
1. She could have not taken my shampoo period. I mean, it's sitting with my shoes neatly stacked under my locker. Clearly it belonged to someone.

2. She could have borrowed it and put it back. I understand - no one wants to be gross all day just because they left their shampoo at home.

3. She could have left a note. This would have been totally classy - sticky note: "Dear friend. I needed shampoo and borrowed yours. You made my day. Thanks!" TP and I are big fans of the thank you note - in any variety.

Instead - she used and abused. Truly tacky behavior.

Inappropriate Spirit Wear

I've always been into school spirit in this really cheesy way. Voted "Most Spirited" member of my high school graduating class, I could cheer on our pathetic football team no matter how often they disappointed others. In an earlier post, I discussed that I attended a large "football school" in the South for my undergraduate degree, and here I felt at home. How great is it to be perfectly classy to wear a t-shirt with your school's logo on it nearly every day? Totally acceptable.

But ladies and gentlemen... there is a line between school spirit (classy - maybe even at times tacky turned classy) and TRASH. And Victoria's Secret has gone far beyond into no man's land.

Allow me to introduce the Pink "Collegiate Line" - now, not everything is terrible. The hoodies, sweatpants, and flip flops seem like fine, every day spirit wear. The type you could always get at your school bookstore.

What blows my mind are the panties and above all else the swimwear. I mean, SERIOUSLY? What is that thing?

Now, confession, I do wear special underwear on Game Day. Yes, it does correspond to school colors and yes, I am superstitious about it. However, this is just TACKY.

When I first found this I immediately pointed it out to TP who made another important observation. Her alma mater (a nice, classy joint part of this little thing we refer to as the Ivy League) had apparently taken the classy road out and is not represented in the VS collection. In fact the majority of schools that are come from either the South or the Midwest and have large followings of fans who are not actually alum or students.

This leads to quick gripe on which I will end this post:

How do tacky, trashy fans who can't even get INTO my alma mater keep making it look so tacky and trashy?

Happy Valentine's Day! Celebrate without TACK!

Oh Valentine's Day... here you are again. People love you, people hate you, and yet you keep coming back. Obviously, there are some strong opinions about Valentine's Day out there. Plenty of Anti-V'Day parties both for singles and couples, but then again... I think I'll just wear a pink sweater and eat some conversation hearts for good measure.

Like any other holiday that involves the suggestion of gift giving, V'Day is often marked by some tacky behavior. I could write pages on how a fifteen dollar hot pink bear from CVS is a tacky gift, but instead I want to focus on something that came up twice in conversation about gift yesterday among my friends:

It is tacky for women to expect gifts of jewelry that their significant others can not afford.

In turn, it is very classy to accept small tokens now and build on that in the future of your relationship.

My conversations on this topic yesterday included a story of a girl telling their boyfriend to "get another credit card" to finance an engagement ring. Tacky. Then again, there is the couple who have a very modest engagement ring even though the girl's family have given her very expensive jewlery her whole life. Pretty classy.

So ladies, even if you have champagne taste, maybe remember what Valentine's Day is supposed to be about (candy and Hallmark Cards... I mean Love!!) and avoid the tack.